Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
