I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you would pick up someone in the library
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
