Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
