Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
