It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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