y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
