I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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