I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
