even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
