hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
