I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
