he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
