Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
