did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
