What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
