I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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