Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
