then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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