u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
