I bet he comes in French.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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