that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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