I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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