I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
