Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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