This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
