pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
