Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
