went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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