I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
