I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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