I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I did not marry a roomba.
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