I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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