They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
