I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
