Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Found your dick twin last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
