I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
