i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
