New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
