I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
