Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
