She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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