I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
