There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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