Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
