You made me cry and you don't even care
Jerry, you need to find god
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
