Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
