And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
