I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and she was petting her beer can
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
