please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
