Kiss
Puke
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
