I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you would pick up someone in the library
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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