Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
