i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
