i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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