Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
